WR101B: Introduction to College Writing
Spring 2009
WR101 will serve as your introduction to college writing and the kinds of academic and intellectual prose found in analytical, interpretive, and critical writing that appears in scholarly books and journals and in the public intellectual sphere. Working effectively within the genre of the academic essay, with its base of conventions and formal structural elements, will provide students with a venue in which to express their ideas to their instructors as well as their peers. Learning these conventions and structural elements will ultimately give students the tools to express their ideas throughout their college career, and into their professional lives.
The goal of WR101 is to develop a strong foundation in the fundamental components of college level academic writing. Using Kenneth A. Bruffee’s A Short Course in Writing, we will break the essay down to its basic components, so that students can develop a higher level of competency with formal structural components of essay writing. We will then transition into longer, more traditional, academic essays. The emphasis during this part of the semester will be placed on putting texts in conversation with each other and with your own ideas. Finally, students will be put into Writing Groups, where students will be able to observe the choices and challenges that are involved in working collaboratively on a text. During the group project, students will also work on presenting their material both orally and visually as well as through text.
1. Joel Kwang Han Soh
Heya Max,
When I first read your essay, what stood out the most were the elaborated descriptions of your personal journey in finding a direction in life. There’s definitely a slight sense of humor especially in the line: “wasn’t killing at the animal hospital.” I personally felt that the means by which you nail in the point about “serious soul searching” through the use of first person perspective is extremely effective. It allows the readers to ride on your back and to a certain extent, experience what you had experienced. If the examples were made through a third person perspective, the sense of alienation would have thwart the very raw and believable sentiment in which your method had successfully invoked.
Also, if I’m not mistaken, your essay is written in a Nestorian order, no? I must say that besides the occasional sways, your essay is well linked and organized. In exploring, explaining and defending your points, your reasons are ample and solid. Example: “…having relationships with significant others, dealing with work in class…” I also did note the use of ‘sign posting’ in your introduction. It definitely helps with the organization of the essay as readers are given a foresight of what to expect " allowing them to follow you clearly. That aside, the juxtaposition of ‘inside’ and ‘outside’ and how you shed a brighter light over the latter are remarkable.
However, there are a few aspects of your essay that can be refined. I noticed that you have the tendency to sway away from the subject matter and although it is not detrimental to the essay as a whole, it does so mildly disrupt the flow. Take for instance the lines: “I don’t want to starve for the rest of my life” and “the job market is shrinking so fast”, these lines are not necessary in supporting the point made in the paragraph nor are they connected with the proposition at all. It would be much better if every line were constructed with purpose and reserve. Also, I believe it would be good if you avoid making highly subjective statements. Apparent in the second paragraph are the words “success” and “successful”. These words are used to substantiate the point you made and yet they are faulty in that they beckon the need for clear definition. What success is to you might not be the same to others. The same goes for the line: “social skills, the most important thing a human can possess”. Somehow, the word “most” reduces the statement (which would have otherwise been solid) to a sweeping statement.
Finally, I personally felt that though the questions brought up in the introduction are good attempts to connect and relate with the readers, they are rather unnecessary. While I understand that the question you pose (“What did you want to be when you were a child?”) was meant to show the process of change in ambitions, the use of examples such as “astronauts” and “doctors”, coupled with the negative sigh of “I would have never made it”, somehow gives the impression that high schools are a place where big ambitions are crushed. As a whole, I believe your essay is well written " especially the organization. I do adore the simplistic style you effectively deliver your message.
02/02/09, 01:51 am