1. 02/11/09, 10:58 pm

Says: "soo i think this what i was supposed to edit cause this is what i had haha The main point of this is the effect that this letter had on her. It made her want to know more and made her care more about the food she was eating. I think this had combinations of substantiation and some parts of evaluation in it. I think for the most part you have a very good starting point, but a lot of things can be expanded on. Here are some places where I think you could use expansion in the beginning where you are say the mislabeling of foods and how is makes a lot of sense I do not know what you are talking about it would be good to add some of what makes sense. Also something’s are really interesting and need more information on them for it to matter. I think you also need to mention his argument a little more cause I was slightly confused on that. I really like the questions that you asked they were very effective. Another thing that might need some improvement is your transitions from paragraph to paragraph sometimes it kind of throws the reader like on the second paragraph of the second page. I really liked when you talked about how this changed you, but I think you could add more in it when you talk about looking at ingredients. You also forgot to end you letter so just remember to add in and ending. I feel like you could use a little more pathos in your argument. But all in all I think you letter was very interesting and you definitely know a lot about the subject. "