Dear _____,

This letter is not meant to mimic confrontation or lessen the seriousness of the issue that has been haunting our circle of friends for months. This letter is also not meant as an attack on you personally—it is simply the best way for me to tell you how I feel about our living arrangements in the fall.

            A few months ago, when we discussed living arrangements for our sophomore year, I assumed that everything would remain the same. I assumed that we would both remain extremely close, as we continue to learn new things about each other on our walks to work and during our shopping trips. At first, I was convinced that we were both similar—with the same interests and opinions that would make us the best of friends. However, after months of overanalyzing situations that have made me uncomfortable or unhappy, I’ve finally realized that we aren’t the same people I thought we were when we moved to college. We have both changed in many ways (some for the better and some worse) and I admit that this is the main reason why I have decided that we would not be a good fit at suitemates.

            We have evolved and developed different interests and lifestyles, which is something that we shouldn’t feel ashamed about.  Our personalities have continued to develop and have made us grow apart. This kind of change also makes a person realize something that they never thought possible—that they can’t relate to a person as much as they thought they could. This is exactly what has occurred between us and I hope that you will understand that being blunt isn’t exactly something I enjoy, but rather something that I find necessary to fully explain my reasoning behind my big decision.

            This decision has been on my mind for a long time and I chose to ignore it until today because I was afraid that you would be hurt if I told you that I didn’t want to live with you in a suite. Yet, I know that this hurts you and you have every right to be upset since I never addressed the issue when I had the opportunity to. I also came to this decision after thinking about what I really need in order to live comfortably in an already stressful environment terrorized by schoolwork and drama. Originally, I thought that I’d like to live in a suite with the five girls I was closest to. However, after months of getting to know our friends, I came to the conclusion that I would be the happiest remaining in a double with Melissa. Since we both plan on studying abroad in The Netherlands next year, we could later choose to travel together and enjoy doing the things we like such as shopping and watching movies. Not living together next year will give us the opportunity to get to know each other better.

            When we first met, you would often talk about how you wished to live in Piano Row. The modern feel and brand new atmosphere of the dorms makes it an appealing choice for a dorm building. You even went as far as saying that you wanted to live in a Piano Row suite as soon as you were able to make your own living arrangements. You spoke about how you loved the privacy that a suite offers as supposed to the crowded, social atmosphere that our common room offered on our floor in The Little Building. This is why I don’t feel that we would be compatible in a suite together. I enjoy meeting new people as often as possible. I enjoy watching movies with a bunch of floor mates (whether I know them or not) in order to get to make new friends.  If I lived in Piano Row, this wouldn’t happen. Although it has a modern look and feel and offers students more privacy than any other kind of dorm, suites create a social barrier between students that prevents them from getting to know one another (outside of their rooms). However, I understand that the suites also offer more privacy and space to make you feel more comfortable. The suites are also spacious since they include a common room and kitchen as compared to the small doubles we live in this year that lack both rooms. Despite all of the added bonuses, I don’t feel that I would want to live in a suite in the fall because I’m comfortable living in a room similar to the one that I live in now—a simple double.

             I would like to continue living in The Little Building because it has more of a community, family feel, where students can bond in their common rooms and get to know one another while they watch a movie or hang out. It allows people to get to know each other because you are forced to interact with other people outside of your double or triple. It allows you to make more connections with your neighbors since you see them more often in your common room or in the communal restroom. The Little Building is also a convenient choice since both the dining hall, and the gym are located on the lower levels. Many have overlooked The Little Building’s convenience and appeal and this is precisely why I would like to remain living there. 

            Therefore, living with Melissa in a double would make me the most comfortable since you and I both have different lifestyles and more importantly, different interests.  For example, I enjoy getting away from the dorms every so often. You have admitted that you don’t enjoy going to parties off campus because you would rather stay in to relax and watch a movie. I enjoy watching movies because it's a nice way to wind down after a busy week.   However, sometimes after a long week, I enjoy getting away from campus to explore all that Boston has to offer. Getting out of the dorms to either check out a new restaurant or visit a friend at another university is also fun. This is something you have told me you dislike because you don’t want to spend money on the T. Since I love exploring Boston, I have found that it is difficult to include you in my plans. When we make plans with a group of friends, I will sometimes have to stay in because I’m afraid to hurt your feelings if we decide to explore off campus. This is another reason why I would find living with you difficult since there would constantly be a conflict of interest whenever we make plans as a group. In order to avoid any problems that might occur if we plan things together, it would be easier to live in separate dorm rooms so we can continue getting to know one another while we pursue our own interests. 

            Excuse how blunt I’m being about this problem, but I am writing in hopes that you see how much I thought about how I would tell you the truth. I know it might seem like it isn’t very difficult for me to tell you how I feel but it really has been tough for me to say the truth despite the chance of hurting your feelings. This is exactly why I chose to tell you the truth no matter how ugly or rude it might sound, because in the real world (after college), we will have to look people in the eye and speak the truth. Why not be honest now and avoid an even bigger problem?

            So there I said it—I was blunt and honest (and hopeful) all in the same letter at the same time. I hope that although we won’t be living together next semester, you will still want to hang out. I don’t think that we should let something this silly ruin a friendship that is growing despite the bumpy road its on.  They say you meet your life-long friends in college right? Why ruin it now?

Think about it and write back soon.

Sincerely,

Val